This is a Guest Blog from my friend and colleague: Ollga Belova. She is a coach and educator with a unique set of skills and abilities. She holds a Doctorate degree in Organizational Psychology and MBA from University of Oxford. She uses her psychic gift in combination with academic and executive experience to help her clients identify their Life Purpose and develop meaningful career, business or volunteer activities in alignment with their purpose.
When you stop, I stop… and I pause, till I understand what you want us to do next ….
What do you think this is about? You will never guess, unless you’ve been a fan of bandoneòn and milonga.
Today, I want to share a passion of mine that started many years ago. I am talking about Argentine Tango, the most sophisticated social dance that requires emotional maturity, passion, and surprisingly less athletic ability than any another dance. And by the way, the way you dance Tango is reflective of your relationship style. Intrigued?
In Tango, there are many styles and fancy steps, but there is no pre-set routine. The only way you can move is front-back and left-right, and that’s what makes it so captivating – you never know what’s coming next. Each partner has a role — just like in a relationship. (And before you get offended of this unti-feminine approach, let’s just assume for argument sake that relationships have roles). Male is to think of the next step, give direction for that move, and make sure he and his partner are not stepped on by other couples on the dance floor. Female – to read the message correctly, make the right move, and to perfect the technique. When communication between dance partners is of high quality, the female role is elevated to a new level – she lets her partner know what she wants to do next. He follows her invisible lead, yet it appears as if it was his idea all along. Smart woman! <Laura loves this!>
I want to tell you a secret, perhaps the most critical one in Argentine Tango, and you judge for yourself, if that works in a relationship. If you, as the one in female role, are not sure what’s next, do not guess, anticipate, predict, or make up a step. Instead, just pause and don’t move till you get a very clear signal which way to go. Why? You are giving your partner feedback that either his lead is not clear, i.e. he needs to do a better job communicating with you, or that you are following his lead to stop. And yes, he might want to stop in order to keep you in suspense and to build tension. That way, the next step will be more exciting and dramatic.
So when you are not clear, you cannot violate the agreement understood between partners by assuming responsibility for the next step. That’s why you don’t move and, in your pause, you gather momentum, making your steps sharp and crisp without unnecessary fuss. What do you think you get as a result? Elegant and dynamic dance or a beautiful game of courtship courtship!
You can find more about Ollga @ www.ollgabelova.com
I never knew you could learn so much from the Tango about relationships and how they work. Did you? Have you ever tried the Tango? Did you give clear signs? Was your female role ‘elevated’ ???
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