When you are raised with high standards, when you are coached to be better, when you are one of those people who do not want to settle for less, how do you get over perfectionism? Overcome perfectionism about learning how to be excellent and not perfect.
Celebrating Dad’s Day with my Hero!
I don’t know why I became an over-achiever and a type A. I just did. Was in instilled in me or was I born with it? Did I take my Dad’s instilling of excellence in me and turn it into needing to be perfect? I’m never going to know.
What I do know is that I have long since lost the need to be perfect. It’s in my imperfection that I am able to be a better person. It’s in my imperfection that I am able to coach as well as I do and it’s in my imperfection that I strive forward. It’s in my imperfection that I can appreciate the efforts of others and have a sense of humor over what mistakes I do make. I have learned how to be excellent and not perfect.
Here’s a simple Formula:
1) Do your best at any given moment ~when you do this, you know that your work is excellent.
2) Allow yourself to be human ~ no one is perfect, when you accept this perfectionism disappears.
3) Laugh at your mistakes ~ find a sense of humor in them
4) Apologize for those mistakes that affect others ~ when you do this from the heart, people love you even more.
5) Make Mistakes and turn them into Mis-Takes ~ one of my favorite expression is “I made a mis-take” and I pronounce it that way ~ it allows me to learn and grow from that place.
6) Forgive yourself for a mis-take ~ after all that’s just what it was.
Have you conquered perfectionism? In what way have you discovered how to be excellent and not perfect?
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I love the mis-take reframe, Laura! Thanks for your motivational post!
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 17th, 2013 at 3:37 pm
You’re welcome, Ms. Sandi!
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Comment by Sandi — June 17, 2013 @ 9:10 am
Being a recovering perfectionist myself, Laura, I can relate to this post. I love the list of actions to take. Thanks.
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 17th, 2013 at 3:05 pm
You’re welcome…..reminders I need as a recovering one too 😉
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Comment by Lilia Lee — June 17, 2013 @ 3:02 pm
I love it. Excellence is attainable, perfection is not. Great tips and thanks for sharing.
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 19th, 2013 at 8:32 pm
You’re welcome, Lori. You said it so well.
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Comment by Lori Manns — June 17, 2013 @ 4:28 pm
I still struggle with this. I get so frustrated with myself when I mess up. But the reality is we’re all human and it happens. Quite frankly I think people are drawn to us even more when they realize we aren’t perfect. We then appear REAL. I love your mis-take idea. I’ll be giving that one a try!
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 19th, 2013 at 8:34 pm
Mis-Take!!! It was when I broke the word down like that, I gave myself permission to avoid being perfect at all costs! And, you are right. I do believe that when we own our selves the good and the mis-takes, we are more attractive and desirable to be around!
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Comment by Alyssa Johnson — June 18, 2013 @ 8:34 am
Allowing myself to be less than perfect has been a huge part of my personal development. Thank you for this reminder and the practical tips.
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 19th, 2013 at 8:35 pm
You are welcome, Nicky……it’s something that is so simple yet so hard for so many to do! I love the mis-takes I make now 😉
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Comment by Nicky Roberts — June 18, 2013 @ 9:01 am
Laura,
Amazing reminders for aTuesday morning – my favorites ” 3) Laugh at your mistakes”, finding humor can lighten any day and “4) Apologize for those mistakes that affect others”, people are very forgiving when they see and know your heart!
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 19th, 2013 at 8:35 pm
So true, Cindy, people are forgiving and we often forget that. I think that may be why we try to be so ‘perfect’!
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Comment by Cindy — June 18, 2013 @ 9:26 am
Oh, thank you. I so needed to hear this today. This very minute. I’ve been suffering from writer’s block (actually, it’s more like “idea block”) when it comes to my blog. Nothing feels interesting enough to write about. But part of this is my desire to only offer truly exceptional stuff.
But maybe I can offer something excellent that’s not necessarily mind-blowing, jaw-dropping and life-changing. Maybe I can just do the best I can right now.
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 19th, 2013 at 8:36 pm
You are very welcome. Your stuff is ALWAYS excellent, Nancy. It’s funny ~ some of the stuff that I write that I think is less than great is often the things that people like most! 🙂
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Comment by Nancy Tierney — June 18, 2013 @ 12:45 pm
Thanks for this post Laura! I know that many women suffer from perfectionism, we should all allow ourselves some breathing room!
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 20th, 2013 at 7:46 am
Indeed!!!
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Comment by Dorothy Pang, The Natural Fertility Expert — June 19, 2013 @ 10:12 pm
Such an important post Laura. I too am an ex perfection addict. Ok, who am I kidding… I still am! BUT… I have learned to let a lot of that internal struggle go… I have a sign on my wall that says “strive for excellence not perfection” !
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 20th, 2013 at 11:04 am
Excellent ( 😉 Sign!!! 🙂
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Comment by Kelly — June 20, 2013 @ 10:58 am
I LOVE this article Laura!! You are 100% right!! And I will add that Progress = Happiness. Perfection only leads to frustration and disappointment…it’s an unattainable standard, because we are always striving to improve and grow…so there is no perfection!
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 21st, 2013 at 7:00 am
Oh~ I think we have a formula being created. Progress + Mis-takes + lessons + successes + allowing flow = happiness!!!!!!! I’m all about the formula 😉
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Comment by stacey — June 20, 2013 @ 2:58 pm
Wow, Laura. What a powerful post! As an unhappy perfectionist myself I acknowledge the need to move through it, past it and release it to become a fully present and joyful person.
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 21st, 2013 at 6:58 am
OH Katie!!! I believe you just nailed it “Unhappy Perfectionist” I wonder if you can be a happy perfectionist 😉 (My lightbulbs just went off!) 🙂
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Comment by Katie Mazzocco — June 20, 2013 @ 3:04 pm
Thank you for this post. Perfectionism is hard to give up, especially when one surrounds oneself with other high achievers! Yet, I know that when I do pull back and focus on excellence vs perfectionism, life gets much easier.
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Laura Clark Reply:
June 21st, 2013 at 6:57 am
You are right, Suzanne! I think that that pulling back is letting part of your ego go. High achievers can be wonderful for your momentum or difficult for you to stay in the flow and allow yourself to just be YOU mis-takes and all! 🙂
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Comment by Suzanne — June 20, 2013 @ 10:08 pm