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Soul-Wise Living
Soul-Wise Living

How do you honor someone’s grief?

My Mom. She passed forward 10 years ago this week. Some days, it seems like forever ago. Some Days, it seems like just yesterday. Most days, though, I know she has not ‘gone.’  I don’t say the “D” word for she continues to live in each and every memory I share of her. Indeed, I can speak with her now more than before. And, I’ve grieved in many ways~none the way people have wanted me to or thought I should or believed I ought to have. But I’ve ‘grieved’ in the sense of allowing the loss of her physical presence to shift my relationship with her. Grieving is a personal process ~ a soulful process ~ when you allow this it can be an opportunity to understand your inner wisdom. And, it’s the process of knowing yourself that you can support and honor someone’s grief. 

Grief and Wise Living

With my Mom & Dad circa (ehgad) ’90

Grief comes in all shapes and sizes. By knowing yourself, by hearing the whispers of your soul, you can honor that grief. It’s in the knowing that of your inner wisdom~ that you honor  grief in a compassionate and loving way.  And, it’s in honoring this for yourself that you can honor someone else’s grief. 

In the case of my mother, my sister and I grieved very differently. We both felt the physical loss and we both had differences in what that meant to each of us. What we did come to know is that we both processed it differently. We both know our own inner wisdom to have seen this early on. We reacted differently and we behaved differently. So we were able to quickly use that wisdom and honor that grief space for each other. Indeed, it became known as having an “MM”. A Mom Moment. A moment of reflection, of quietude, of recollection, of laughter and giggles or of flowing tears. Of course, even these “MM’s” were different for each of us but we honored each other for having them.  

What does this have to do with Soul Wise Living? Everything. By being able to understand your own inner wisdom, you are able to have a capacity for compassion that is larger than life. Learning to hear your own inner whispers allows you to see others in a way you never would before. It allows you to hold space for others like you never could before.  It’s about being able to honor yourself, how you respond, react, live and even grieve and by doing so you are able to honor that space for others and, in this case, honor someone’s grief space.

How has knowing yourself allowed you to honor another’s grief? 

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10 Comments »

  1. Thank you for the thoughtful post Laura. My dad died 15 years ago this week and I have been surprised by the grief that has surfaced. There is so much to learn through our process and the old grief that is triggered by new loss. For me I have a depth of understanding for others struggling with loss that would be different if I had not experienced my own, but I know how I am supported through grief may be very different for others. So I just ask how I can support others when they are grieving, make my presence known but give them plenty of space.

    [Reply]

    Laura Clark Reply:

    Space is so important. Knowing that you are supported compassionately and with non-judgment is too and you personify that Kelly! Grief works it’s magic and it’s lessons just like waves coming on shore, doesn’t it?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kelley — March 4, 2014 @ 11:35 am

  2. I relate to this post due to my own mother’s passing in October. My grief is very much alive and I appreciate your post which helps me know I am not alone. I have several siblings and we have all grieved in varying ways. The process is ongoing. My experience has changed me. I am a more compassionate person and more accepting of my own flaws as a result. Thank you Laura.

    [Reply]

    Laura Clark Reply:

    Yes, indeed, an experience like this will change you and am glad that you have allowed it to ebb toward compassion for you. Am sending you oodles of love and light to ease your grief and allow flow to come for you. HUGS

    [Reply]

    Comment by veronica — March 4, 2014 @ 3:42 pm

  3. Laura, I wanted to say that your heartfelt post really touched me and that I appreciate it. It reminds me of how every woman also grieves her infertility differently. (Not to compare the two, but it’s what I work with, so it’s what I draw parallels to!) Grief is complex and I think it’s very important to respect the different ways of expression people have.

    [Reply]

    Laura Clark Reply:

    Grief is complex and, yes, many women grieve infertility or the loss of a first trimester baby too. This is often done in isolation and not easily understood by those around them. Honoring how someone grieves is critical in these situations too~ Thank you for pointing that out as well!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Dorothy, Fertility Coach & Acupuncturist — March 6, 2014 @ 7:52 pm

  4. Laura, I think any one of us who has lost a loved one, be it Mom or Dad or child or pet, can attest that grieving is so very personal. Both my parents died within two years of each other in the early 80s. Mom first. Dad was a lost soul without her and went shortly forward to be with her.
    I can say that I still have the MMs and DMs to this day and will until I move forward myself. And like you, my grieving was quite different from the way my siblings grieved.
    Thank you for sharing this insight.

    [Reply]

    Laura Clark Reply:

    DM’s ~ yes, I’m not there but know what I will call them. My dad’s nickname is Porky so I will be calling them Porky Pauses 😉
    You are welcome for that and thank you back for sharing your insights as well !!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Lilia Lee — March 8, 2014 @ 7:59 am

  5. This has always been area of confusion for me. With grief, I fall into societal habits and conditioning…saying things to myself and others that are intellectual and not of the heart. Not on purpose, of course, but from a lack of knowing another path. Recently, I read a wonderful book called The Grief Recovery Workbook. I was so helpful. It helped me honor all losses and relationships as unique and that grieving looks different for everyone. This has allowed be to support others in their grief from a very different place… which feels very good. I have DM – Dad moments, as my Dad transitioned..hard to believe… nine years ago. He “sits with me” every morning when I meditate. Thanks, Laura.

    [Reply]

    Laura Clark Reply:

    That’s beautiful to have your Dad with you in the mornings during such sacred time, Tricia!!!! I’ll have to look up that workbook ~ it sounds like a good one for me to refer clients too! Always love when my readers share tips like that!!! Thank YOU!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Tricia Pine — March 11, 2014 @ 8:48 am

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